I never really knew about size acceptance. Hell, I never really knew acceptance. I grew up a fat kid. And it was made particularly hard because I was the son of a multi-sport world champion athlete. Grownups would question my weight and ask me why I wasn’t more like my father. The reality was that aside from the actual strength he had I was. We ate the same food a lot of the time. I hung out with him constantly. I would sit at tables with 300 – 400 lb (135 – 180 kg) powerlifters and try to go toe to toe with them meal wise. The problem was they were 20 years older, a good foot (meter) or more taller and worked out about 6 hours a day. Even my dad, who had me at 44 years old was still squatting 700 lbs (320 kgs) when I was a toddler. His weight would fluctuate between 250 lbs (110 kgs) and 450 lbs (205 kgs) in any given year. He would gain and lose as competition season would gear up or wind down as the case may be.

So that’s what started my weight issues. As I grew older and bigger, I would catch heat from all parties, family, “friends,” even teachers. By the time I had reached the age of 4, I was 90 lbs (40 kgs). I never developed a healthy attitude toward food or exercise. Food was my solace from the cruel world. Life could be shit, but that steak bomb grinder from the local sub shop made it all worthwhile. And exercise, well, I did have to walk that mile and a half to and from the sub shop!

But it really was a snowball effect. The more life seamed unbearable, food was there to comfort me. And I wasn’t the unhealthiest person either. My blood pressure, cholesterol, blood sugar and heart stress tests were the desire of all who read them. I was a healthy fat person.

That was the case until the beginning of the new millennium. I really started packing on the weight. I was no longer working a job that required me to be active. My new sedentary job fit too well with my sedentary lifestyle to add about 250 lbs (110 kgs) to my 5’10” (178 cm) frame. I still had great numbers, but joints started to hurt, and I developed lympoedema. I had to find a way to ease the pain.

I did some research into weight loss surgery in late 2002. I was about 550 lbs (250 kgs) and it was time to get help. I looked at the gastric bypass procedure, and I was not impressed. But the lap-band procedure had just been approved in the US and I was interested. I met with the man who would eventually perform my August 2008 surgery in February of 2003—Dr. Adam Smith. I trusted him because he was also a lap band patient and he talked about how unnecessary the bypass surgery was and I was sold.

It took 5 ½ years to get my surgery and that awakened me to the need for a size acceptance movement (I was still not aware one existed.) My personal doctor (not Dr. Smith) kept trying to push meds on me that had a side effect of weight loss. After 2 misdiagnoses of a hernia and diabetes, it was time to get a new doctor, and it was absolutely horrible. I took time to interview several candidates. Some I left before even going in because the seats in the lobby were so uncomfortable. I asked questions about health philosophy and asked about equipment and after talking with my surgeon, finally found one I was comfortable with.

But I thought that life doesn’t have to be this hard for big and tall people. I went car shopping and could not find one I fit in. I went to an actual big and tall clothing store and they did not have size big enough for me. I tried to find furniture that would not collapse under my weight and found very few (and mostly uncomfortable) choices. I made it a mission to find items that could help me live comfortably. That’s where my first size friendly site was developed — Huge Comfort. I wanted it to encompass all aspects of big and tall life. And it has quite a bit of a following. I mentioned some advocacy sites on there, but I didn’t do much with it. As I was searching sites, I realized that there were a lot of blogs on the subject, but mostly by women. And that’s great! But I wanted a male perspective on some issues. So I decided to create my own. Thus, Big and Tall Shorts was born.

I’m not a superman, or some fat guru. I am simply a fat guy that realizes that there is something more for us out there and that in order to drink from the golden chalice, we have work to do. We have to organize, we have to educate and we have to realize that we are who we are and accept ourselves. I have started that journey and invite you to come along.

I can be contacted at fourthcircleenterprises@gmail.com if you have any questions or inquiries.

Steve “Dr. Z.” Zarella