In the past, I have talked a lot about depression and self-image issues. I think one of the worst side effects of a poor self-image is when it comes to dating. I am no exception.

In the Size Acceptance movement, we ask for the world to accept us as we are. We are fat. We are tall. We are short. But we are human. We sleep, we breathe, we dream. As does every other human. But we look different. We may move slower, or have to duck entering a doorway, or need a step stool to reach something. And unfortunately our visual perceptions are the primary gateway to romance.
But the problem with someone who is depressed or someone who has body issues or someone who has both is that they have issues accepting themselves. In that case, they constantly ask themselves “If I cannot accept me, how can others?” I know I struggle with it every day and as a result my dance card is rarely full as I suffer from both. It’s been that way since 3rd grade when I ask a girl to be my girlfriend. One of these pre-adolescent traumas that wound up in not only the rejection, but getting in a fight with an older boy and ridiculed.
It sounds odd right? The director of the online community the Universal Network for Size Acceptance has body issues. Well it’s true, and I think that actually helps me in my role as an advocate. I know the pain others feel and I have the give of being able to vociferate it.
From personal experience, the pressure of asking a woman on a date is mind boggling. My anxiety shoots through the roof, my pulse and heartbeat races like a NASCAR driver trying to win the Daytona 500 and those are the good parts.

And the new technology makes it even worse. It used to be, I would have to call or see someone in person to ask them out. I could tell from visual or auditory cues whether I would have a good shot at a date, but now, there’s text, email, Facebook, IM and a plethora of other electronic mediums in which to socialize and now you have to sort through emoticons LOLs, LMAOs, ROTFLMAOs, etc. It’s enough to make me want to move to a cave on the side of a mountain and become a hermit.
Then there is the whole, I like you, but I like you as a friend. Well I like you as a friend too. I always felt a relationship has more of a solid footing when built on friendship, but once the “f” word is used, I know that’s pretty much the death of the idea of dating.
And if I am lucky enough to get the date, I was always told that for the first few dates put your best foot forward. I don’t know what that means. Does it mean lie? Or fib? Or does it mean be yourself? Hell. 90% of the time, I can’t even get up to bat to ask the girl out, now I’ve got to figure out the best part of me and put it on display? And how do you do that when your body image sucks?
I know I am not the only one out there. Heck, several women I know that I wanted to ask out in my youth stated to me that they wish I would have asked them out back then. Why, I have no idea. I guess I am better online than I am in person. When I finally get the chance to actually date a woman, I mentally crawl into that hermit cave.
I just don’t know.

For woman, I know there are self-image issues, but from my observations (and I know someone will dispute me, but these are MY observations) women with self-image issues tend to try to date the wrong guys and seem more susceptible to scams and ruses men try to play (and please understand, I know that my LGBT friends have issues too, but I have no experience with dating in those circles, so I cannot speak intelligently on the subject). I see friends, women who I wanted to date, women I have loved from afar fall into these horrible relationships where all they are doing is praying for their own death because they are so afraid to leave of have been so brainwashed into believing they love they guy that it literally sickens me.
But I digress. I’m 39, single and my self-image is poor because of my weight and depression. I am fighting though it and maybe it will pay off, maybe it won’t time will tell. But I encourage all of you to believe in yourself and believe in love. I’m half way there; maybe I can make it the rest of the way.