In Memorium…
March 29th, 2010
15 year old Phoebe Prince
I am going to depart from my normal sounding board on this entry because it is truly a tragedy. I never met Phoebe Prince. And the fact of the matter is that no one else ever will either. Phoebe hanged herself on January 14th of this year. She had been the victim of constant harassment and bullying from classmates. Although the exact reasons she did it will only be known to her and her Maker. One can only assume that the bullying and harassment took its toll.
Phoebe was not an American. She was born and raised in County Clare, Ireland. She was only 15 and had been in the United States for six months. Her school principal described her as “smart, charming – and as is the case with many teenagers – complicated young person who truly valued her close friends and her family.”
But much like any immigrant, she was a stranger in a strange land. She was different. And as such became fodder for the taunts, bullying and torture that can befall a person who is not like everyone else.
Now, I usually write about how fat people or tall people or fat and tall people have it hard. I write about how we endure all sorts of indignations that are too horrible to mention. And I stand by that. But is it because we are fat or tall or both? Partially. The reason we suffer is the same reason Phoebe suffered. We’re not the norm. We are different.
Phoebe was not fat or extremely tall (from what I can tell). But she was a person with different customs. I’m sure she had an Irish accent. If it were 60 or 70 years ago, that may have not been a problem in Massachusetts, as Irish immigrants were not uncommon. But, this is now.
I grew up in Massachusetts. I was a product of the Massachusetts Public School system for 9 years and went to a private Catholic high school for 4 years and I will tell anyone who will listen and who will believe that if you are even remotely different, expect to endure suffering.
I don’t know that I was too far away from what Phoebe did. On several occasions I contemplated it. But I survived. Phoebe unfortunately did not. I grew up and sadly, Phoebe won’t.
Luckily, I have lived long enough to realize that my tormentor were more than likely tortured souls themselves. Some may not have been. Maybe there were just insecurities they needed to mask in the subterfuge of their bullying. Maybe some of it I brought on myself. I don’t know and at this point, it’s been so long, I no longer care. I just know that bearing a grudge involves carrying a weight. I already have enough of that, so I have made my peace and forgiven them. Phoebe will never come to that realization, at least not in her human emanation.
I like to think that no matter how long or short a time we have on this floating rock we call Earth that no matter how infinitesimal, we have a purpose. Phoebe’s death will be a call to arms for lawmakers and educators in Massachusetts and particularly South Hadley to address and hopefully expunge the practice of bullying. But maybe it can also be a call to embrace those who are different.
Tonight, before I go to bed, I will pray for Phoebe. I will pray for the 9 children who are charged in driving her to her suicide. I will pray for those that loved her, and those who simply did not understand her. I will also pray for those that picked on me. Because everyone deserves peace. The fact of the matter is that the things that unite us are tremendously greater than those that divide us. We just have to get past what’s on the surface. It is a shame we will never know what Phoebe could have given this world as an adult, but her death will mean something. To her family. To her friends. To those were different.
In closing, I would like to offer a biblical quote from the Book of Wisdom, Chapter 3 that seems appropriate for the situation:
“The souls of the just are in the hand of God, and no torment shall touch them. They seemed, in the view of the foolish, to be dead; and their passing away was thought an affliction and their going forth from us, utter destruction. But they are in peace. For if before men, indeed, they be punished, yet is their hope full of immortality; chastised a little, they shall be greatly blessed, because God tried them and found them worthy of Himself. As gold in the furnace, He proved them, and as sacrificial offerings He took them to Himself. In the time of their visitation they shall shine, and shall dart about as sparks through stubble; They shall judge nations and rule over peoples, and the Lord shall be their King forever. Those who trust in Him shall understand truth, and the faithful shall abide with Him in love: Because grace and mercy are with His holy ones, and His care is with His elect.”
Phoebe, may you find the peace in the next world that you could not find in this one.
I invite you to join the bullying discussion on the Big and Tall Shorts Facebook fan page. Simply become a fan and click on discussions and the bullying topic is on the top of the page. You can also feel free to leave comments here as well.
March 29th, 2010 at 11:34 PM
I had a friend back in the 8th grade who committed suicide. because people made fun of him of his weight and all that kind of stuff. he was such a good kid. RIP Patrick<3
March 30th, 2010 at 6:00 PM
This tragedy has really taken me back. I was made fun of in school. The last day of my senior year in high school, a boy, whom I had a crush on, barked at me like a dog.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could invent a time machine and go back. I see her face in the photos and don’t know what to say. Jealousy is evil. Life is precious.
I have never met Phoebe, but I will never forget her.
March 30th, 2010 at 7:30 PM
I saw this story in the news one morning, and it struck me roughly. I’m just a freshman in high school now, and when I think about what it must be like to be teased constantly by others that I’ve done no harm to, my heart skips a beat. I love the way the author wrote this in memory of Phoebe Prince and the awful things she had to undergo. This is truly a tragedy that I hope captures the attention of everyone and makes them stop to think. Nobody deserves what Phoebe endured, and that is why I cry when I think of all the people in the world that had to and will in the future. Just as Phoebe was, you are all loved.
March 30th, 2010 at 7:44 PM
These things are just… horrid, i mean how can anybody torture somebody to death? and still be proud of it? even writing this sounds incoherent. She never did anything wrong, she was frightened and felt lonely, I have moved many times and know this feeling perfectly, trying to fit in is not easy especially if you are from some place else, i never met her but if i would ever have had the chance i would have wanted to make her feel better, but of course all of us whom heard this tragedy would have loved doing the same.
rest in peace Phoebe Prince <3 you are free…
March 30th, 2010 at 8:31 PM
This is such a terrible tragedy. I read in another article that her parents moved to Massachusetts so Phoebe could experience America. What does this event say about our country…most importantly our young people…especially young women. I have a 15 year-old niece who is just a joy – I can’t imagine what she would do if she would be tormented like this young girl was…..it makes me angry. I’m glad to hear the DA is charging the kids and I hope the school administration as well. What makes this more tragic is that it appears the young girls haven’t learned much about supporting other young girls – this vicious jealousy will be taken into their adulthood. I see women in my office who can be just as vicious. It’s very sad. The women’s movement really hasn’t created much of a “great sisterhood” after all. Maybe a course needs to be taught in middle school or high school to young girls about bonding with each other and stead of tearing each other down. How to support and take care of each other instead of jealous viciousness because a boy likes a particular girl or because the girl is pretty. It’s very disturbing that girls/women can’t seem to get past this. Phoebe you were a lovely young girl and I’m sorry you had to feel like your only option was to take your life. Maybe your death will be a wake up call and some needed changes in parenting,education, etc., will take place. Rest in Peace lovely child.
March 31st, 2010 at 9:19 AM
This is a tragedy, and my thoughts and prayers go out to this family. It is so sad that in today’s society kids are so cruel. We as parents need to make a stand against bullying. My son is 12yrs old and he too is bullied at school. The school officials just “sweep” this under the carpet. They do not want to get involved, they tell me this is just an age thing. I have made it very clear that my son will not become a statistic. It is heartbreaking to know that the parents of these children who did the bullying see nothing wrong with what they have done. I pray for those children as well. Kids today do not realize how much words hurt..they leave a lasting impression. The only thing positive that can come from this is for the parents of phoebe to make a stand against this violence. Do not let her death be in vain…She was a beautiful girl and its so sad that this world must go on with out her….I will remember her forever..
March 31st, 2010 at 7:52 PM
If someone reading this is being harassed or bullied, please don’t give up on your life! Think of the people in your life who DO care about you. And, if you can’t discuss the issues with your parents, go to a trusted relative or teacher. It sounds as if Phoebe and her parents did all they could but the school let them down. But, please, don’t end your life over it I was harassed in high school for being overweight and it was awful. I was too embarrassed to tell my parents or talk to the Principal about bullies calling me names as I walked down the hall. I felt like I would be treated like that for the rest of my life. But, once I got out of high school and went to college, things were different. I made more friends and was respected. I’m now a mom and grandmother, and sadly one of my own daughters was bullied, too, and she wasn’t overweight. She was an honor student and is pretty, and had a lot of friends. The principal did threaten to expel the students who were bullying her. Otherwise, I would have transferred her to another school.
Who knows why bullies choose to pick on certain people?
Always remember the things the bullies say to you are NOT THE TRUTH. It’s their insecurity and mental issues, and they were probably treated that way, too. Don’t give up your life for a bully!
March 31st, 2010 at 9:18 PM
Even though I am not showing it on the outside, I know I will go to bed tonight, pray, and cry for this young girl. I am very sorry for what she endured, actually, as a Christian I shouldn’t say this but, I loathe those 9 kids. I do hope they find peace, but until that day dawns when they have realized what they did to Phoebe, I have no remorse.
I know, I thank God everyday that I have two parents who love each other and me. And I can go to them whenever I am plagued with such cruelty if need be. I’m just astonished that Phoebe must’ve not felt that type of security. Or didn’t know what she could do.
I hope this story finally touches some of the administrators of school boards, and shows them that even with all their preaching about not bullying and if you see it stop it, this still happens. And maybe one day create a class, law, whatever, to show kids what this can physically and emotionally do to someone, no matter the age.
It saddens me that this story, over all the hundreds that have been reported was finally the one to open people’s eyes. I wish that one of the earlier ones could have made a difference as well.
I will pray for you Pheobe Prince, and hope that you are in Heaven, living in peace. And I know you are in Heaven, even though I did not know you personally of course, I can bet you are. Hopefully smiling down on all of us here leaving comments about you. Showing you that even by strangers, you are loved.
April 8th, 2010 at 12:02 PM
This is a sad, sick world we live in and it is only getting worse. The only hope any of us have from the taunting of the evil around is in God! “For God so loved the world, that He gave His ONLY son, that whosoever believes in Him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life!” John 3:16.
God loves ALL of us on this earth and He proved it giving His one and only beloved Son so we may know His love and eternal life with Him. I pray for these who must suffer the consequences of their actions, that they will learn from this and contribute good into this world from here on out on Phoebe’s behalf. I pray for Phoebe’s family’s will be able to rise up from this terrible tragedy.
April 8th, 2010 at 5:18 PM
I pray that you are in a better place. The pain is gone for you but not your family. May those bastards rot in hell.
April 9th, 2010 at 9:21 AM
This story touches me deeply. I know that little girl is now in a place where no one can’t hurt her. Sweet dreams, Phoebe.
April 9th, 2010 at 3:36 PM
This makes me so angry. I was bullied too when I was in elementary school, as well as my freshman year of high school and it really left an impact on me. I currently have a part time job at a k-8 school (as a school supervision/yard duty) while I get my teaching credentials, and it was not until someone pointed out to me after hearing my stories about how I deal with the bullies, that it is as if I am doing this to help the little girl inside that was bullied so many years ago. When I realized this, it felt so good to know that I am actually making a difference. And the best part is to see how the kids that I work with look up to me and always come to me for help, because I encourage them to speak up and to tell me what is going on, especially if someone is bullying them. I teach them how to stand up for themselves, and at first they want me to go with them so that I will be standing beside them when they confront the bully. After this, they learn to be confident and learn to stop the bully from teasing them. The bully also stops when they realize that the child they are teasing is starting to figure out how to stand up to them. A lot of my co-workers dont seem to pay much attention to this because they all say its “an age” thing, and that makes me so angry, because then the kids feel helpless, and it only gets worse. I do not want to see any kids go through what a lot of us did, and even worse, to end up like this beautiful girl did. She had so much ahead of her and it is horrible to think that she felt she had no one to help her. I do everything in my power to stop bullying at my work, and it makes me feel good to see that the kids who feel threatened run to me right away because they KNOW I will help them. Not only do I stop the bullying but I talk to the bullies themselves because I realize that a lot of the time, bullies have their own issues and they cover them up by giving others a hard time. When you get to the bottom of that, you can also help the bully become a better person and make him/her realize that there are other ways to solve their problems and not to take them out on others. When they are little, they do not realize it is a psychological problem, they just know it feels good to make others feel bad to make themselves feel better. As an adult, knowing this is an advantage, but you cant make the child see it because they are too young. But you have to offer other alternatives to solve their problems, and as they mature they will realize that the bullying is a horrible way to solve their problems. Otherwise, the older they get, the worse it becomes, especially with teenagers, and it becomes a vicious cycle.
April 18th, 2010 at 8:13 PM
I pray that you are in a better place. The pain is gone for you but not your family. May those bastards rot in hell.
April 19th, 2010 at 6:05 PM
This is such a terrible tragedy. I read in another article that her parents moved to Massachusetts so Phoebe could experience America. What does this event say about our country…most importantly our young people…especially young women. I have a 15 year-old niece who is just a joy – I can’t imagine what she would do if she would be tormented like this young girl was…..it makes me angry. I’m glad to hear the DA is charging the kids and I hope the school administration as well. What makes this more tragic is that it appears the young girls haven’t learned much about supporting other young girls – this vicious jealousy will be taken into their adulthood. I see women in my office who can be just as vicious. It’s very sad. The women’s movement really hasn’t created much of a “great sisterhood” after all. Maybe a course needs to be taught in middle school or high school to young girls about bonding with each other and stead of tearing each other down. How to support and take care of each other instead of jealous viciousness because a boy likes a particular girl or because the girl is pretty. It’s very disturbing that girls/women can’t seem to get past this. Phoebe you were a lovely young girl and I’m sorry you had to feel like your only option was to take your life. Maybe your death will be a wake up call and some needed changes in parenting,education, etc., will take place. Rest in Peace lovely child.
April 22nd, 2010 at 11:32 AM
wow i feel so bad for her family i mean girls hated her cuz she was to pretty nd got all da guys. who cares? theyy culdve been nice to her at least nd not have donee nd said all dat they did.they made a nice,pretty,nd smart gurl kill herself cuz they were soo jealous and didnt have nuthin better to do. well my heart goes out to Phoebe nd her family gud luck :] nd as Amy said i hope those bastards rot in hell.
August 21st, 2010 at 9:54 AM
As a female growing up, it wasn’t always easy. I was taunted constantly because I wasn’t like other girls… pretty, attractive, skinny, etc. Altho I tried to fit in and make friends, it was always with the other losers in school. This in the ’70′s even! The boys called me “Sweat Hog” and I would leave crying and they knew they hurt me. One day one of those boys sister made friends with me and the name calling stopped. She was a larger gal too. Kids learn hate from their parents… I know I did, growing up with blacks in our neighborhood. But there are many good blacks as well as poor bad blacks and same with white folk. I think teachers need to teach TOLERANCE to all students. Don’t ever be afraid to seek council at school…and most of all TRUST your parents. God bless you Phoebe Prince <3